I managed to persuade a good friend of mine to stay over and drive me to the airport at 5am this morning. Though my head hit the pillow at 1am I really couldn't sleep - that's always the case when I know I have to be up early.
I arrived at Manchester airport at 6:30am and joined the back of a huge queue which I stood in for some time before realising that I'd already checked in online and could go in the elite queue which was empty. That cheered me up.
After rejigging my checked and carry on luggage to save a $50 overweight fee (do fat people have to pay more?) I asked if there were any exit row or bulkhead seats available. I was disappointed to find that I was too late for that. I breezed through security without having to remove my footwear which made a nice change.
For the last week or so I've been getting up at 10am at the earliest and often haven't got round to eating breakfast until 3pm! It's not laziness, just different working hours (I'll get to bed a 4am after finishing up whatever I've been doing). So, although my eyes were open, my body really wasn't ready to take on any digesting or other regular waking activities.
I passed two hours by sitting at the gate trying to stay awake so I wouldn't miss boarding. I was just waiting for the moment I was aboard the plane so I could shut off and get some well needed sleep.
For a change I was one of the first people to board the plane. I took my window seat and tried to doze but was feeling quite light headed. I don't like to sleep before we're up in the air as my ears give me hell if I don't do weird things with my jaw to equalise the pressure. I began to feel a little nauseous but figured it was just tiredness. It got very hot so I removed my jacket and turned on the air-nipple (what else would you call it?) I had a quick flick through the magazine holder to check for a sick bag, though I was hoping it wouldn't come to that. We were about to begin taxiing but I was feeling rough. I made a move to get up, the people next to me obviously noticed I didn't look to good and got out of the way. I began walking towards the toilet and the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor.
This was the second time in my life that I've fainted. The first time scared the sh*t out of me - I had no idea what was happening. This time it was a bit more fun. I quite enjoyed the feeling of teleporting to a new location. If they ever invent teleporters I'd hope the list of destinations would be significantly longer and more interesting than - floor of the aeroplane.
Apparently I hit my head on the sandwich cupboard on the way down. I was also amused by the fact that I didn't recall that. I assume I was only out for seconds. A male flight attendant was playing doctor and telling me one of my pupils was dilating and changing a lot. He did admit that he didn't really know what that meant but it was just weird. Maybe he's seen it on casualty.
I was actually feeling much better lying down on the floor. Long haul flights would be much better if that was an option. I guess you'd get in the way of the flight attendants selling meals, gold watches and toblerones. They seemed happy that I was ok but thought it better that I catch the next flight. They gave me a can of apple juice. I said "thanks"
A paramedic came on board and took my blood pressure and blood sugar (by sticking bloody pin in my thumb and stealing my blood) They got my bags off the plane and I had to go through check-in and security AGAIN. This time I had to remove my shoes, and I had to leave the apple juice behind. What a waste.
After sitting around for another hour or so I was pleasantly surprised to find that my seat on this flight was 7C - EXIT ROW. I'd unassumingly stumbled upon a way to beat the system.
So, if you like leg room on a flight, simply black out and hit your head and they'll give you an exit row seat on the next flight. Granted it may not work every time, and if more people faint than there are exit row seats there's not much that they can do. Still, worth a try.
By the way, despite the heading of this blog I didn't piss myself. If I had I don't think I'd have bothered blogging it, exit row or not.
America here we come.
